Chip Away at the Queen
by Derpy Hooves Appreciation Man
Summary: The princesses assume that if Discord can be rehabilitated from his evil ways, so can other threats to Equestria. Queen Umbra is assigned to anonymous the human and his wife Derpy for this very mission, whether any of them like or not.
1. Chapter 1

"Thou truly believe that this is the correct course, my sister?"

"We are not a spiteful people. Kindness is a sum of parts, one of which is forgiveness."

"But such a burden it is. And unto an innocent of noble intent. I fear we perhaps have taken our plan beyond our values of kindness."

"No. They are the only souls incorruptible by her wiles. She does not need magic to restore her power. Only those riddled with vice and weakness."

"Perhaps she, of all villains, is beyond help?"

"If I had my doubts, I would've never considered this. But she is little more than a normal unicorn, now. A mare of deep, burning hatred that we must heal if we desire peace."

"I suppose that is correct… but the methods-"

"We shall see. Equestria has bested foes greater than her. Besides, the human is more than capable of managing his herd."

Anonymous awoke from a peaceful slumber when a rattle shook his modest home. Quaking energy drew him from bed and onto his feet so he could discover what was making such dreadful noise in his house. The morning light weakly shone through the window panes in warm and fluid shades, helping his tired eyes adjust to the world. In his boxers and shirt, the human found the ground floor assaulted by some messy intruder.

"I made quiche." A voice chirped with both feminine and deeply maniacal tones.

A flowing mane of stunning ebony emanated outwards from the grey, sour face of the Queen. Eyes, piercing like needles glowed in deep tinges of sickly green and complimentary crimson of a most unnatural look. Fangs and tusks easily peeked out of her pillowy lips when she grinned, animalistically glimmering with a hunger long forgotten by civilized minds. Her horn jut out of her skull in an arch of fiery red, only a ring strapped to its shaft keeping the devious pony from disintegrating all she saw. The curves of femininity hid beneath the flowing coat of black, only the belly of this threatening creature covered by a cutesy apron.

Queen Umbra. The bane of the Crystal Empire. The darkest sorceress of all unicorns. Master of the mind and deceiver of weak hearts. Once, she stood poised to conquer the entirety of the empire on her own, powered only by magic and her own hunger for power.

Now, she had been demoted to "rehabilitation" in Anon's home. Restricted to her original, physical, unimpressive form. For a diabolical conspirator… she was a little chubby. Perhaps busier sitting than jogging, these days.

Regardless of her rotund haunches, or Anon's severe doubts over her cooking, he nonetheless proceeded forward as if anyone else had offered him food. True to his word to the princesses, he would at least try to follow his appointed mission and help the misguided "Queen." She stared him in the eyes with piercing orbs of mal-intent, as if waiting for him to stick his finger in a bear trap and laugh.

Anon took the warm tin of breakfast in hand and inspected it quickly. Untrained eyes spotted the problem instantly.

"There are razor blades in this quiche." He said dryly, gently placing it in the garbage. Umbra shrugged at him, removing her messy apron and throwing it in his face.

"My mistake, once again the nuances of this culture confound me!" The delightful little mare hummed, taking an expensive pastry and an iced coffee from the counter in her magic. Neither had been touched by the storm she had left in the kitchen.

"Make your own then. If my kindness won't be appreciated here, the Queen shall retire once again." With lifted tail and haughty trot, the black pony made her way to the cushy sofa placed square in the middle of the living room. A pile of blankets became wrapped about her and mountains of pillows supported her ever-fattening body.

Perfectly perched to watch the human get to work cleaning her disaster.

Anon could not know why he and his wife were chosen to shoulder this burden. Why on Earth he, a simple human living a simple life, would be held responsible for the coaching of such profound evil. His wife was no Element of Harmony, nor great warrior, or even a mare of high regard in the town. Derpy Hooves lived her life gleefully as a child, barely keeping her job with cataclysmic disasters wrought on the postal service every other month by her lack of coordination. Truly, she wasn't any great savior of missguided sociopaths, like Umbra.

Regardless, Anon was stuck with his lot and complaining never improved his situation. Rather than sulk, it had become easier to ignore the eternally sassy Queen and just carry on with his life. Perhaps with time, she might even come around and befriend him. He could already imagine Umbra never again putting razors in his food, sprinkling irritating spices in his underpants or shredding all his family pictures into ribbons.

"Good morning, Bubby." The sweet voice of relief called out to her human, following after the grey pegasus as she fumbled down the stairs. Delirius from fatigue, Derpy sauntered to his side and nuzzled herself into the burly human naturally as ever. Even if the top of her head barely came up to his chest, Anon always found it easy to give his mare the sugar she needed. Bending down leisurely, the human planted an adoring smooch right between the sleepy mare's nostrils.

"Morning. You want some breakfast, Mushy?" His wife shook her head lazily, all the while stretching out great wings of silky feathers and alluring smells. Umbra visibly scoffed at the affection both displayed.

"Oh it's alright. I'm not hungry this morning anyway." She said with an adoring smile, rearing up so she could return the smooch. Her warmth was intoxicating and feminine, a magnetic cloud that tugged at every facet of Anon with hooks and chains. The tired human embraced his wife quickly and squeezed her softness. Their kiss tickled down from their lips to their very hearts in pangs of exciting energy and soothing relaxation all at once. Truly, for such a short contact, the feel of Derpy's lips energized Anon.

"Watch the grump then, Mushy. I'm gonna make some coffee and head out in a few." The cross-eyed mare wondered about the kitchen and living room as Anon worked, waving to Umbra with a soft hoof as well.

"Whatcha doing? I thought it was Saturday?"

"It is. But we gotta have more wood for the fire. Snow's gonna come down soon." She nodded as Umbra hissed at her.

"Yes please. Don't do me a favor and freeze to death. That would be ever so bleak." She grumbled, laying around in a display of shocking laziness. Anon huffed and sipped from his mug.

"Any more out of you and we'll go into town. I'm sure that "annoying" and "noisy" farmer's market will have plenty more to look at for a few hours." The dark pony shivered at his threat and glared daggers at him from under her cover.

"Now guys, be nice!" Derpy interjected, hopping up onto the couch with Umbra and unwisely giving her a pat on the side.

"Bubby can get his break and we can have some mare time! Don't you think that'll be fun?"

"I think I'd rather be skinned alive."

"Oh shush! You'll see, Miss Grumpster-dumpster! Anon, Bubby?" She squealed, turning towards you with the brightest of grins.

"Don't you think Umbra would look cute with a new mane? I bet I could do a really great braid if she lets me!" The dark sorceress popped up from her blanket wrapping with teeth bared and eyes wide. This expression quickly softened, however, once she and the hulking human nearby exchanged eye contact.

"Yeah… show her some mare time. That oughta take the fire out of her."

"Mare time" was worse than Umbra imagined. She was funneled into the upstairs bathroom shortly after Anon had gone. Locked inside with Derpy behind her, she stared at herself in the mirror whilst the ditsy blonde fumbled about with all sorts of products and tools.

How far a deity could fall. Once a Queen owed everything… now a simple mare. A squat and chubby fool filled with hatred for those that had forced her here. Celestia and Luna swirled in her mind like fish in pond. Hapless and stupid fish that she eagerly waited to pluck out of the water the instant she had the upper hand. They were foolish to think she could be tamed. They were even more mistaken in believing that a hairless ape and a deformed commoner could turn her! All she had to do was bide her time. Play her cards right. Get the right people on her side and she'd be back on track for her devious plan.

Soon, "mare time" would only be a distant memory whilst she sat atop a throne of ancient stone and sipped wine from the princess' skulls.

"Wooooooow! You have got so much hair!" Derpy giddily commented as her hooves combed through the billowing and curly mane of her brooding friend. It was true, the curls and tumbles of black silkiness carried all the way from her head, to the her knees in length and blooming body. Derpy absolutely fawned over such a shape, fluffing up the expanses of mane and brushing through its innumerable strands. "Tell me, Derpy… why have you settled on this lanky beast?" Umbra cooed, never taking her hypnotic eyes off herself in the mirror. Derpy visibly thought about it in the bright lights of the bathroom, still feeling through the circling cloud of dark hair she had a hold of.

"Lanky who?" She asked, innocently clipping hair pins here and twisting braids there.

"The beast. The one that lacks fur that you call a husband?"

"Oooooh! You mean Anon?"

"Yes. Tell me what you see in him." The queen demanded with a quickly waning patience.

"I dunno… hehe. He's just… he's… he's my husband. I like him." Derpy tittered, blushing ever so slightly beneath her fur and flicking her tail in a filly's excitement. Her heart was already skipping beats at the thought of him. How he'd hold her. How powerful and safe he felt. What boiling pleasure he could bring her. Just the warmth of his presence and the happiness she brought him set her belly ablaze with a glee Umbra so violently hated. She had to suppress her gag reflex in watching Derpy swoon like some school yard hussy crushing on a young stud.

"Indeed… but what do you SEE in him? Hm?" She added, much to Derpy's confusion.

"Do you see a bottom to his well of love? Perhaps a crack in his fortitude?" Derpy blinked as the words crept from her companion's lips like oozing sludge. Her deep voice of cruel intent rattled through the mare's bones like a sound straight from the heavens. A tingling sensation of strange attraction, as if a polite knock had come to her mind's door. Naturally however, Derpy's mind reacted differently than normal to the intrusion of Umbra's persuasive powers.

"Not really. I'm not sure what you mean, but he's really strong! He bought this house and let me live with him. Also, Anon's always been nice to me. Just loves it when I bake him things or give him smoochies." She said with the same childish energy as usual, souring Umbra's already nasty glare.

"But you must see that he is not compatible. With us. Ponies aren't meant to mingle with his kind."

"Oh no. He's a stallion. I double checked." She stated simply, sloppily braiding the bushels of black on Umbra's head into a somewhat elegant twist.

"Ugh, no! His kind. Derpy, one day he will yearn for a mare of his form. And you will be forgotten about. I have seen this many times in my years." Umbra hissed, finding that the mental barrier put up by her target's sheer ignorance thwarted her far better than any magical ward.

"Don't be silly! Me and Anon are married! He doesn't even like griffons, anyway!" She giggled and bushed up the somewhat off-kilter knit she had made, tossing it on either one of Umbra's shoulders.

"He is a stallion, my dear. They lust. It is in the very nature." Derpy paused with a bow in her mouth, as if only now Umbra's sharp words had pierced her mind. Her ears flicked and the bundle of red fell from her teeth in a nervous squeak.

"Well… he kinda does that. I think. But it's really my fault." Umbra cracked a sickening grin of teeth and vile pleasure.

"I'm not saying you should do anything… yet. I'm only warning you. Don't be surprised if you are abandoned. Anon smells of disloyalty." At that moment, Derpy twitched in a confused recoil.

"Abandon? No, no, no! I thought you were talking about how he likes to rump-bump all the time!" Umbra's heart burst in her chest in aggravation.

"He LOVES that! I'm telling you! Every other night he's poking on me and rubbing me, like a kitty!" Umbra glowered at the mirror and simply waiting on Derpy to finish her disgusting tirade. All the while simmering in her own stew of frustration.

"Not that I don't like it. He's really good at it! With those fingers and those muscles… ooh and his big chest… makes me all warm inside." She melted against Umbra's shoulder, spared a quick and painful death by the ring restricting her magic.

"I think it's fun. Even though we haven't made babies yet. I'd really like to have babies soon. OOH! Maybe that would make you feel better? You like babies, don't you, Umbra? You could watch them and play with them when we finally make them! Doesn't that sound nice? Auntie Umbra?" The dark sorceress slammed her face into the counter with a deep groan. This "rehabilitation" would be far more painful than she could've ever imagined.

Some hours later she was able to escape "mare time" and get back to her bed of soft garments and warm peace. She allowed her mane to stay braided and fixed in exchange for a speedy run from Derpy's yapping mouth. She swore that if she heard one more story about Anon's "famous" back rubs, the Queen would drown herself in the toilet. But thankfully, she had her silence again. Anon came back through the front door, but she paid him little mind. At least he could keep quiet.

The human likewise paid the brooding mare on his couch less attention, choosing instead to side step that proverbial land mine and attempt to enjoy the rest of his icy afternoon. He sifted through the cupboard and retrieved the one potion that cured his ailments. Hard liquor poured into a pair of tiny, squat glasses perfect for sipping from. Its benign appearance belied the boiling intensity of the flavor within, something that Anon assumed Umbra could appreciate.

He carefully sat next to her sulking figure and placed a shot before her on the coffee table. At least something to ease the tension. Rubbing his face with tired and cold hands, he spoke quietly so the crackle of the nearby hearth wouldn't be outmatched.

"I understand this isn't the greatest thing that could've happened for you. Really, I do." He started, not looking the dark mare in her bewitching eyes.

"Feels like a real mess, I'm sure. But trust me when I say, it's not bad. Not bad at all." Umbra rolled her eyes at him and magicked the glass closer to her lips with quite some difficulty. As if she were attempting to drink from a led ball.

"Pfft… you know nothing of my humiliation." She barked at him with a similar volume.

"They call me cruel and spiteful? Ha… I'd rather them to have beheaded me than subject me to this foul punishment." Anon huffed and sipped his stinging drink along with her. Both shuddered at its sizzling feel as it moved through their guts.

"Hm. I'm just trying to say. I didn't want you in my house. You didn't wanna come to my house. But, here we are. Both of us kinda got shafted on this one." He grumbled, staring down at her now with the displeasure keen on his features. It was then and only then, that Umbra saw something in him that she hadn't before.

As if new stone had been revealed under centuries of grime and moss, a startling appearance struck her. Anon's usual face of ugly lines and disgusting features now bore an all new manner of… allure. His masculine jaw, his stern brow, those piercing eyes. She could see in him, even in a face so different to those of her own kind, that he was serious. That he was not to be trifled with. That he was the man of this house.

She could sense the authority behind his eyes, orbs of brilliant color that stung her right to the heart with barbs of attraction. Never had Umbra felt this intimidated. This small. This aroused. Her tail flicked and her expression softened ever so slightly, a heat building around her face as she ripped her gaze from his. What could possibly be so enthralling? What sort of magic was he using on her? Was this elixir they shared really a love potion disguised? She had to know, lest her marish disposition make her do something she'd regret. Like show weakness to this vile human.

"What is this potion you serve to me? It's… unique." Anon gave just the slightest little laugh before finishing his own share.

"You don't have it, here. I happened to have a bottle with me when I came from my world." He said, his own cheeks flushing red with the tinge of alcohol.

"Made out of corn, yeast and water. Whisky." Umbra nodded her head and took another sip of the fiery drink. It tickled her tongue and perked her mind, rousing it from a bored delirium of sitting around all day in a stew of hostility. She seemed to enjoy it, swishing it over her teeth and tongue to absorb its full flavor. In truth, she was really trying to discern what manner of potion it was. Imagined or not, she didn't trust it. She needed Anon away from her as soon as possible. He grinned at her as if his guard had been lowered, beckoning the Queen to join him in a moment of friendship.

At least until she turned her head and spit directly in his face.

"There, commoner. I have improved your vile drink." She hissed defensively, placing her glass back on the table and hoping that he'd take his handsome face somewhere else. The human slowly and thoughtfully stood up before wiping the smear of warm spittle from his face. She could feel his anger. She could feel the pounding heart in his chest as it shouted and screamed for him to take action.

The masculine component within him loomed over her, sending electric zings of excitement that Umbra did her best to hide.

"I am trying really, REALLY hard to be nice to you." He said, clenching his fists tightly until the blood ran from his knuckles.

"If you wanna fight me on this one, then remember this little tidbit. The harder you make this, the worse it's gonna get for us." The sheer anger in his voice kept peeling away at her shell, picking and pulling at her composure. How dearly she lacked companionship. Umbra never even knew this weakness lay in her. Perhaps it had been too long since she had known the authority of a stallion. The safety of male muscles. The thrill of being told what to do, for once.

"Threaten me as you will, human." Umbra chided in return, covering her wild blush with hooves of blanket.

"I don't make threats. I only do what I promise to do. Get yourself together, or maybe the princesses will cook up something even worse for you."

"What could be worse than this? Hm? You believe I can sink lower?!" She snapped at him, staring up at his leviathan shape. His deep breaths restrained a hidden anger, one that a slight part of her wished to see. Like wanting an animal to strike just to observe their raw power. Anon knelt down to meet her snarling face, whispering heavily.

"We considered sticking you with Pinkie Pie. But Luna reminded us that in Equestria it's illegal to torture ponies to death." He huffed and trot off to his wife once more, leaving Umbra to bathe in her own miasma of arousal.

"Bubby? Is everything okay?" Derpy hummed from upstairs, silenced quickly by what sounded like a deft kiss.

"Forget about it. I got us stocked up for the winter… just need some down time."

"Anon you- OOH! That's my… nnf." Umbra's ears couldn't help but stand at attention, drinking in the rustling and bumping of Anon and Derpy's "bonding."

"This is really nice. Gah… your hands are cold, Bubby."

"Like you don't love it." Anon answered back with a tone that melted Umbra's mind. If only SHE could have a stallion that would talk to her like that. A stallion that wouldn't quiver and yelp when her massive cloud of black magic engulfed him for a night's fun. As ridiculous as it sounded to her, she was hanging onto every little word and sound the two made. Listening closer and closer until she was staring at the ceiling slack jawed and dripping with interest.

"Mmph! Oh wowie-wow! NNG! A-anon!" Bumping and creaking sounded through the house, coupled with Derpy's muffled cries of pleasure and bliss. Umbra could hear when Anon desperately covered her mouth, only to produce an all new symphony of melodic whimpers and squeals.

She could feel the imaginary fingers digging at her coat. The strength he would use to snap her lips shut. The weight of his body holding her own down. The force of his hips beating against her rump as he claimed his territory. Her heart always lay with stallions of strong spirit and dominant tendencies and Anon sounded as if he could easily fit this role. Her eyes closed and pictured his touch creeping down her body. A stout hand grasping her throat whilst the other explored her marehood.

Finally. Someone to match her. A shameful display, one that woke her from a fog of arousal before too long. An equal to contend to, a challenge to wake her mind from a millenia long stupor. All these centuries without a stallion worthy of her love. A stallion that could earn her respect.

She found her sheets sullied and her surroundings silent once more, say for the fire warming the house. She touched her lips below and found the sugary juices flowed readily from within like rivers of shame.

"Curses." She mumbled, rolling about in a fit of satisfaction and heated yearning. The poor Queen could already tell the loving pair's audible displays would be an all new kind of torment for her. 


	2. Chapter 2

The Stone Cracks.

"My Sister, I can feel shifts in him. He is growing angrier by the day."

"I know. I have seen in it in him as well."

"Doth thou not worry? Shall we not consider that this may be his will weakening? The ice of winter need only the slightest crack in order to sink within and freeze."

"I am aware. But I am not worried."

"Are you not concerned that our stone may burst? Frigid and scarred by her wrenching and prying?"

"No, my dearest Sister. His soul is her bane. What she does to him, will only combat her. The more that Umbra wishes to torment, the stronger he shall become."

"And if you are wrong? If this careful and dangerous game you play sinks the ship we stand upon?"

"Then his wife shall be our buoy. She doesn't know it, yet. But her fortitude far outpaces even the most profound evil."

Icy barbs carried on the wind in the middle of Ponyville's market. Hissing along with a presence of discomfort, any exposed flesh was stripped of its heat and left bare. Fur and scarfs stood as a motley line of defense against it, but nothing could outpace nature's endurance. Pony and human alike wandered about the square under the pelting punishment of winter's front.

"This… is the most profound evil I have ever seen." A charcoal colored mare spoke to herself, wrapped up in a scarf of grey and yellow. Her flowing mane of twisting black kept most of her inner heat trapped against her, but the lashing winds saw fit to send shivers through her bones. The frozen tundra was nothing like this. Without her omnipresent and powerful magic, every little chill and tingle hit her mortal frame with a hammer's force. An unbelievably freezing stint at the market, one worsened every second by her chaperone.

"Nah, see? This one looks brown at the tip."

"I'm telling you, it's fine."

"Hey, I ain't serving rotten stuff to my family! Lemme pick a fresh one, or don't charge so much."

"Nothing I sell is 'rotten' ya blubbering goof! And keep your voice down, will you?!"

"Two bits, or replace it. Maybe someone else wants mushy carrots, but not me." Umbra groaned loud as she could in a display of utter discontent, hoping Anon would perhaps show her mercy and move on. Many eyes were trained on her as she stood there and waited for him to wise up while her hooves were beginning to sink into the crunchy mud below. An air of judgement constantly surrounded her when she walked about this town.

"Anonymous, by the powers that be, take your produce and GO!"

"Just a second, woman. I'm trying to get a good deal, here." The green-eyed sorceress moaned in absolute dread as the words left his lips.

"Two bits or fresh. Take it or leave it." Carrot Top sneered at him and scrunched her snout before relenting under the human's haggling.

"Two bits." He smirked and paid her readily.

"See, that's how you do it." Anon stated as he rejoined with Umbra. He opened the sack of newly acquired vegetables, removing a snack for himself in the form of a celery stick.

"Them carrots weren't even a little rotten! Cut the brown out and it's just as good."

"Absolutely fascinating. I labor to learn more of this process." The fuzzy mare answered with not hint of joy of energy in her voice. She carried herself still with a haughty and royal gait, albeit one that now sagged with the exhaustion of constant irritation. She had been walking around this market for hours now, swallowing every tidbit of useless information Anon spewed at her. Her humiliation had reached an all time high, the dress of a commoner and the stares of the townsfolk submerging her in a quagmire of anger.

How she yearned to cast off these warm scarfs and magical inhibitors and use her powers. The turn everything she saw into a thin misting of ash and feel silence once more. To right the wrongs against her and seize what was clearly hers. The giddy thoughts of destruction and death distracted her from the painful reality long enough for a concerned Anon to pat on her neck.

"Umbra? Hey. You dozing off on me?" She grunted and shook her head back to attention before quickly scoffing at him.

"Don't you touch me, human. Your filthy hooves will no doubt lace my coat with your stink." She barked, despite the fact Anon wore gloves. Rather than back down from her, the burly human redirected their slow walk deeper into the marketplace. She had to follow him closely, part of the wards the Princesses levied binding her being to his own with invisible chains.

"Alright, alright. I see you're a little miffed right now. That's cool." Anon cooed, his voice both condescending and comforting at once.

"C'mon. I'll get ya hooked up for your troubles. You've been real good during our walk, so I figure you earned it."

"I am no dog for you, Anonymous. Consider your words careful-"

"I know, woman. Jeez." He grumbled, stopping before a most fragrant and homely stand.

The apple family stood poised and stocked with all manner of delicious products, a slight fire going behind their stall in order to keep a massive vat bubbling away. Cinnamon, allspice and apple syrup linger through the air with an immediately soothing and familiar scent. A calming aura that only the most laborious and quality family could produce time and time again in Ponyville. The two were exceedingly lucky to catch the Apple's between rushes of ponies seeking their treasures.

"Big Mac. Looking well." Anon greeted the hulking stallion leaning against the wooden counter. The pony man only nodded slightly in agreement, his green eyes transfixed by the ugly scowl Umbra cast on him. For such a squat and squishy looking mare, her unnaturally colored eyes could deliver a bone-chilling stare.

"You guys still got that hot cider stuff? I need two of 'em." Once again the bulky stallion nodded, though much slower and considerate this time. A predator watched him closely and showed piercing fangs of pearly white. He needed to get away from her as soon as he could, even his unshakable composure could not handle Umbra.

His sister however, who idly stood behind his beastly profile, was not so shaken. Applejack huffed and eyed the Queen with the same intense distrust and judgemental glower she always had. But now, the playing field was even. Umbra could be genuinely threatened in her weak and helpless state.

"Anon. Evil witch." She greeted. The charcoal pony's nostrils flared and her eyes sharpened, skewering AJ with a spear's sharpness.

"Hey Applejack. How's the winter been treating you guys?"

"Good as it can… how's it been lookin' after this one?" Anon shrugged once more, placing his money on the table when the mugs of hot drink came.

"Not as bad as I thought, really."

"Been awful quiet. You really put a muzzle on her, big man."

"Silence yourself, laborer!" Umbra snapped, snarling like a feral beast towards the farmer.

"Oh no, YOU silence YOURSELF!" AJ retorted, rearing up on her stand to gain a height advantage. Umbra followed her lead, pushing Anon out of her way to make a point. However, she still couldn't hope to match the height of Applejack's muscular and powerful form on her hind legs.

"Nasty, schemin', good for nothin' snake!"

"Rancid, odorous, foolish cur!"

"Evil, heartless, killer!"

"Hideous, ignorant, moronic peasant!" Their noses nearly met in the display of thoughtless anger. The sheer energy pouring off them both was enough to silence every pony nearby and draw their attention to this exchange. Neither side would back down and continually raised the tension. Stubbornly, even when Applejack puffed out her toned chest in a display of dominance, Umbra only met it with her own fluffier and flabbier front.

"That's enough out of you." Anon groaned in exasperation whilst grabbing Umbra by her snout. He effectively silenced her with his vice grip, sealing her mouth shut and manipulating her by the face quite easily. The whines and whimpers of resistance were nothing under his pushing and incredible strength. With only a second's work, Anon had put Umbra back down on all fours and sent her into a squirming panic.

"Sorry about that. She's a little touchy about the whole 'overthrowing' thing." Anon said, mostly to Big Mac. AJ responded with a stern huff of victory and tossed the mane from her harsh eyes.

"Ya'll oughta' keep that one on a leash. Make sure she don't bite nobody 'round-" Anon similarly snapped her snout shout with his fingers.

"AH! That's enough out of you too! Don't encourage her!" He commanded, forcing AJ to soften somewhat and return to her original stance.

"Alright, alright! Dang, how'd ya get so strong, Anon?!" AJ grunted, taking his money and rubbing her sore snout. All the while, Umbra had hardly given up her attempts to yank her face out of the stoney grasp the human maintained on her.

"I dunno. Just always been that way." He commented without much interest, taking their things and shouldering his sack of produce.

"Heck, if'n ya need work, come on down sometime! We could use a boy strong as that."

"I'll consider it. You guys take care." It was only then that he allowed Umbra to open her mouth, instantly feeling regret for it when she sputtered and attempted to bite his fingers off. At the very least, AJ had turned around and stopped antagonizing the Queen.

"Anonymous, you swine! How dare you handle me like that!" Umbra complained, all the while blushing under her coal fur. Truth be told, his raw strength had taken her by surprise. A welcomed surprise that tickled her in ways she wasn't willing to admit. To feel such an authoritative and decisive grasp on her body was akin to blowing on heated coals and igniting the fire from within them one more. Of course, had he noticed in the slightest that she had enjoyed his little touch, she wouldn't have hesitated to douse his face in the heated drinks he carried with him and stop the conversation right then and there.

"A swine, huh? Really getting creative with the insults." He snickered, gingerly sitting on the first empty bench they came across. With both mugs in hand and a satchel slung over his shoulder, the human was glad to take the weight off his spine and let himself relax slightly.

"What're you doing?" Umbra prodded sharply.

"WE are having a drink. It is cold and you've been good. So c'mere." The Queen reluctantly clambered onto the bench and mindfully left a foot of space between herself and the yammering man.

"I obey no commands…" She grumbled inaudibly, quickly taking the offered mug in her lap rather than her weak magic.

"What is this concoction?" Umbra questioned as Anon slugged back a healthy share for himself.

"It's a Hot Granny. Apple cider, cinnamon, spices and some secret ingredient that makes it tingle in your belly. Good stuff." He answered, eagerly watching her. Naturally, the dark and brooding Queen was quite slow to accept such an explanation. Slowly and deliberately, she brought the mug to her lips and sipped only the tiniest helping of steamy brew into her maw.

The feeling was instant and intense. A zing of spice that crashed on the tongue and washed over the entire mouth in a wave of comforting warmth. Sizzles and pops and creeps of deliciousness leached into every crevice of her maw and rushed through her nose until her entire face could feel the pungent flavor. Rocket speed forced it down her throat and into her belly, bursting out in a dazzling, sensational glow of delight she hadn't felt in many eons. It must've been good, for she could hear the wretched chuckling pouring out of Anon's mouth nearby.

"So?" He asked, earning a bashful glare.

"It is tolerable." She grunted, enjoying a much larger swig once more. Her smug companion leaned back against the cold wood and drank in the winter goodness while it lasted. The heat of a good drink, the warmth of love in his heart and the cool winds to temper it all. Among the bustling ponies, there was safety and comfort to be found. A shadowing group long adjusted to him and his strange form such that he had become like one of them. Just another face amongst the kind and laboring people of Ponyville.

It was this memory of older times that nurtured his waning sympathy for Umbra. Despite being a pony herself, she still stuck out any place she went. A jet black and fuzzy mare that bore a demonic horn and eyes so fearsome in color and shape that she more resembled a wild animal than any normal pony. He knew how it felt to watch as passerby stared and skittered away in a nervous show of distrust.

True, he hadn't attempted a violent overthrow of a monarchy. But the sentiment remained the same. His eyes tracked over her rotund, charcoal body and examined it for something to bring up. Perhaps a conversation starter that would wipe the expression of disgust and boredom off her face.

"I like the bow." He state, taking a single lock of her silky mane in hand to examine the red tie holding the end together. Umbra lifted an eyebrow and hissed at him as if he had presented her with a hunk of rubbish.

"What nonsense do you speak of? I do not wear bows in my glorious mane." He showed her the offending piece, expecting her to slap his hand from her hair or perhaps just spit in his eye.

Instead however, Umbra did something unexpected. She softened and looked away from him stiffly.

"Oh… that. It was not my doing. A relic from that accursed 'mare time' with your wife." She replied with a husky voice lower in volume than her normal speech. Her ears pinned back against her head, as if she were trying to hide behind a slight bit of cover.

"I like it! Red really is your color." She scoffed at him and had another greedy drink of her Granny.

"Do not give me such flattery. If your tongue was so silver, I would've already cut it out and made a crown of it." Anon snickered once again at her seemingly bottomless hostility. The weave of mane dropped from his hand as it reached out and combed through to her shoulder. Her muscles twitched and her skin tensed like his fingers were hot pokers jabbing at the hide beneath. Her eyes met his, a gaze of killing seriousness meeting one of welcoming mirth.

"Jeez, Umbra. You come up with that just today? Or did you have to really think about that one?" His gamble paid off, earning him not a slap in the face, but a nervous whine.

"I don't know, Anonymous. We are a thousand years old. We have much time to dream up proper ways to insult the likes of you." His moving and stroking and squeezing fingers burned a hole through her and straight down to her very heart. The Queen's sharp and calculating mind snapped and tore in strange ways like something brand new was happening to her. A shocking and jarring experience that her infinite wisdom and knowledge was unable to handle or comprehend.

"Well there's something new. You look great for your age."

"Anonymous!" She blabbered in embarrassment, finding herself totally unable to strike him in her usual manner. Instead, all the poor mare could do was flick her tail at him like a flirty school filly. What was happening to her? What was this crowbar in her heart peeling away at the crust of a millennia of bitterness? How could this putrid beast be eating his way into her core like fire on a log?

She had to stop him. She had to say something, her defenses were rapidly failing. Every shield and wall of her personality began to crumble under the slight rubs along her back. The heat of another living body dripped through his glove and impregnated her fur with the enjoyment of contact. It was all at once alarming, maddening and unstoppable. Anon commanded tides against her, lashing her will to resist down and down with tidal waves of charm.

"What's the matter? Not used to compliments or something?" He asked confidently, Umbra's savior coming in a most unorthodox shape.

"Bubby? Umbra? Are you guys ready to go?" Derpy asked, her satchel bags bulging with food. Her gleeful smile and waiting eyes offered an avenue of priceless escape to the desperate mare.

"YES. Let me leave this awful place at once!" She blubbered, hopping off the bench and trotting behind Derpy as if she were a pillar against Anon's coaxing hands. Her hot granny came with her to be eagerly sipped behind the pillowy shape of the gray pony's rear. The walk home allowed her to cool off the built up heat of such a tense moment. Steam seemed to pour out of her ears and rump with the excitement boiling off and her body returning to its defensive posture. Once again, the Queen found the strength to walk proud with head high amongst her "servants."

Derpy rode on Anon's back as if she were his backpack, albeit one totally free of any weight. He happily carted her without question, naturally shouldering the mare and heaving every item in either hand like it was nothing. Truth be told, if Umbra could, she would've liked such treatment as well. It would do well to spare her hooves from the slushy mud below and allow the sloshing contents of her warm belly to settle comfortably.

Regardless, she had to tolerate the sugary pair smooching and yapping the entire trip home, enduring their sickening love even after all parties had locked the door shut and shuffled back into the warmth of the house. Umbra ripped her blankets off the couch and created a nest before the hearth, allowing the radiating heat to soothe her tired muscles.

"We're making soup tonight. You in?" Anon called from the kitchen whilst the rustle of bags and cabinets could be heard. Umbra didn't reply, choosing instead to cover her head with a fold of soft covers.

"Mh… that means she REALLY wants soup." Anon said with confidence, turning to his cutting board to resume his work.

"I missed it, what did she say?" Derpy questioned above a pot of water set to boil.

"Nothin'. I just know she does." The mare naturally felt confusion strike at her husband's words. Her squishy body moved in close and grappled onto his back so that their faces could close as possible and still not interrupt his vital cooking.

"Where'd you learn that? Is it a human thing?"

"Nah. I just learned it from you. Whenever you're being grumpy, you lay down and don't say anything. THAT'S when you want soup." Cogs and gears and switches ticked along in her simple mind attempting to unravel his words, instead finding that her process of disjointed thoughts quickly derailed and left her clueless.

"Learned it from me?" She asked in bewilderment. The playful snicker Anon let out was deeply infectious to poor Derpy and wasted no time in poisoning her little mind. She inched down and rested her snout against his ear to make sure not a soul could hear besides her husband.

"What else did I teach ya?" Anon knew this mood in her. His mind had been conditioned by years of her love to know exactly what she wanted and how. Best of all, he knew exactly how to deliver.

"Well… I know that when you kick your legs in your sleep, that's a good dream. Or when you eat a whole bag of pretzels by yourself, you're sad and need some sugar." Dery cooed in wonder, nibbling on the lobe of his funny ear.

"I know when you put on those stripey socks, don't mean you're cold." She giggled at him and kicked on his back with hind hooves powered by childish energy.

"What DOES it mean, mister Smarty Pants?" Anon could hardly contain his bursting need to please her. The cork holding in his will to blurt out something lurid and nasty shortly before throwing her to the counter and ravishing her drab figure twitched and faltered under the pressure of her overbearing attention. But he held strong. Rather than turn the evening into another awkward display for his guest, the human took hold of his mare's mane and pulled her even closer.

"Means you wanna get warm with Bubby." He huffed into the slight space between their noses, finishing off the speech with a kiss. A light and adoring smooch untainted by the bubbling lust within them both. A smooch between man and mare that one could show to their children and not scar them for life. A pure display of love that melted Derpy into a barely coherent mess of pony bits and fluttering wings.

"Mmmmph… I love you Bubby." She mumbled as her hooves barely kept their grip on his broad shoulders. The human graciously carted her about as he cooked and prepared the dinner for the night, all the while watching snow pile outside of the windows. Darkness consumed the land and dumped the helping of snow in a blinding flurry of thick chunks and dusty crystals.

The front of white rapidly piled up on the icy ground beneath in airy and doughy hills forged from unbelievable cold. One would be left blind, freezing and helpless in the streets of Ponyville, for even the streetlights were totally blotted out by the blizzard attack.

It was in this torrent of snowfall that Anon finished his soup, a winter-time treat that he rarely made by always meticulously considered. Steamy smells flooded the kitchen and plumed outwards as he ladeled it into heaping bowls. Umbra had drifted off into a state somewhere between sleep and dying of boredom before the clink of ceramic on hardwood woke her from the lulling trance.

"Eat up. It's still good cold, but way better warm." Anon commanded as he and Derpy reclined on the couch. The man and pony squirmed and wiggled into position awkwardly at first but quickly melded together into a great pile before too long. Anon lay on his back in utter relaxation as Derpy used him like a mattress. Her haunches mushed down on his hips and her head came to rest below his chin, a bowl of soup placed precariously in the fold of his arm. Umbra found it both revolting and alluring all at once.

On one hand, the Queen could hardly stand the squeaks and giggles of content that Derpy let out when Anon's powerful hands combed down the small of her back and scrubbed over the sides of her flank. But then again, she could only imagine what luxury it must've been to be fed and cuddled simultaneously. Anon made it look effortless, spooning him and his woman helpings of broth and still managing to massage the grey pony into a paste atop him.

The charcoal mare huffed to herself and refused to look any longer. Her green eyes of frustration trained back onto the smoldering logs warming her front and the soup she had to eat. At the very least, Anon had remembered her preference for the biggest serving. She WAS a Queen, afterall.

Churning in a clean broth, celery, rice, peppercorns, carrots and onions mingled together with an appetizing scent. Generally she would consider anything made in a pot and served via ladle "dirty peasant grog," but her empty stomach could see no other sustenance. She was still adjusting to food, her previous ethereal state allowing her to subsist on nothing but the magical energies of the tundra. But in her mortal form, her ancient vices of gluttony began to catch up with her.

A timid taste of the concoction left her shattered and stirring with great conflict. She would never compliment Anon to his face, never admit weakness to the enemy and be so weak. Her reputation lay on the line, no followers would ever serve a Queen that could be thwarted by a bowl of soup! The shingles of black crust peeling off her heart spelled her doom quickly, though. Before too long she found herself drinking straight from the bowl like a starving farmer back from the fields.

It was delicious.

"Mh… Anon I must admit. You are not an atrocious cook." Umbra mumbled through wet lips. The human opened a single eye as he continued scratching on the back of Derpy's head.

"Oh yeah?" The Queen shifted her covers slightly, pulling them over her enormous and fluffy mane like a hood..

"You're only an awful cook." Anon couldn't help but laugh quietly to himself.

"I'm making progress, at least."

"Indeed, whatever you wish to call it." She grumbled, chugging down yet more warm and smooth broth. The entire bowl disappeared within a matter of minutes, as if poured straight down a drain leading to Umbra's stomach. Her somewhat bulbous and silky belly jiggled with the mass of nourishing food. But much as it burned her to do it, she needed seconds. With her magic being so powerfully restrained, there was no way she could ever get herself another helping without spilling it all over her face.

She tactfully and quietly approached the dazed couple, who had also put an entire bowl away between them. Anon was at least gracious enough to ignore her until she poked his face rudely with the warm ceramic.

"More." She chided him without receiving a response.

"Awaken and heed your Queen! MORE." The mare nearly punched Anon with her bowl, beating him in the cheek mercilessly.

"Lemme get that for you. Bubby needs his snooze." Derpy offered with the sweetest of squeaks. The wobbly mare stood and took the dish away from the angered Queen, sparing Anon's face further harassment.

Waiting for her helping however, Umbra's eyes couldn't help but creep over the figure of the reclined human. The man wore little more than his pants and undershirt, allowing just enough exposure to light a fire in her already churning guts.

She admired the smooth and firm surface, warm to the touch like a stone set out in the spring sun. Writhing with lazy life and eternally welcoming to her, she could feel the pull that Derpy must've been hypnotized by. Her lips twitched and her ears flicked, quickly checking to see if Anon was watching her. Luckily, his eyes remained closed and gave her perfect cover.

Her nostrils flared at the faintest hint of his masculine scent. A unique and subtle aroma of manliness that she had rarely seen in her life. A lure to mares, coaxing them closer and closer without ever speaking a word. Umbra mindlessly stepped forward with the greatest caution, listening closely for Derpy. The wifely mare struggled to get the portion into it's dish, allowing her housemate to oggle her husband freely.

The dark sorceress could already imagine what it must've felt like to have such a cushion of stallion all to herself. To greedily spread out on his broad body and listen to the music of his heart beating against her ear. How wonderful it would be to have his fingers combing through her monstrous mane and relaxing every muscle. The more she dreamed up such beautiful images, the more lurid she allowed herself to become.

Perhaps just a little brush of his knee against her waiting marehood. Or a slight dribble of her hot affection on his loins. The smell of which would ignite male instincts and begin the righteous affection. A king's girth would be the only size that she could imagine for Anon's hulking frame of muscle and sinew. A pride worthy of her royal garden that would breed her with shocking skill.

His power holding her down and his voice hollering to the mountain tops in her name. Soft and wet mare meeting hard and fast human in a sloppy coitus so loud that the town would assume Umbra had become a demon once more. It would be a coupling to rival all others, even dragons would quake upon hearing their lust. Her eyes closed and her tailed lifted, just the slightest bit of release leaving her inflamed folds and splattering on the carpet between her legs.

"Here ya go, Umbra!" Derpy cheered with unnecessary volume that deeply startled the delirius Queen. She twitched and flared in magical energy with her defensive reflexes taking over. A crimson bolt fired from the end of her menacing horn and struck the bowl Derpy kept a slippery hold on. Tragically, the contents and the heavy dish tumbled right onto Anon's snoozing face like a waterfall of shame. Silence gripped the house when he sputtered and kicked about in distress, flinging particles of delicious soup and mushy vegetables all around him.

"BUBBY!" Derpy whined, landing on his chest and cupping his shaking head in her hooves. Quite a goose egg began to form his skull had been bashed by the heavy bowl, purple spots bleeding outwards where his blood vessels had been burst open.

"Why did you do that?!" Derpy barked at Umbra with surprising strength in her voice. Umbra had to pull back from the wild, yellow eyes staring holes through her face in sudden surprise.

"What'd he do to you?!"

"Cease these harsh words, child! It was an accident on my part, nothing more!" Umbra answered, backing down with a shiver in her spine. Embarrassment began to eat away at her like salt water at a ship's hull. A horrible gnawing sensation crept through her that worsened with each moment Derpy guarded Anon.

"Pfuh… bleck… I'm gonna stop cooking for you, woman. My face can't take anymore." Anon said quietly underneath the watchful stance of his wife. Her wings flared defensively, splaying out to make her appear bigger and more threatening to the predator she saw in Umbra. Her dark colored adversary took the hint and backed off from her territory.

"Idiots! You know not when pure misfortune strikes you!" She barked, bashfully covering herself in the cloak of blankets strewn out on the floor. The Queen rushed in a most unbecoming manner toward the stairs, flinging herself up them with angst trailing behind.

"I am not the source of all your mistakes, Derpy!" Her final words for the night came with a crack in her voice that elevated its pitch to humiliating levels. Umbra threw herself into the vacant room and slammed the door behind her, making sure everyone knew just how furious she was. But Derpy was still unshaken, for her human needed consoling and nurturing if he were to return to full health.

Once the mess had been cleaned from the couch, Derpy cleaned the mess from Anon himself. Both sat in the upstairs bathtub and scrubbed the grimy film from his face. Derpy made sure his hair was especially spotless, her tangles of human locks more precious than any amount of wealth the whole of Equestria. Her hooves smeared and lathered copious amounts of shampoo into his scalp, careful washing freeing him of any unwanted bits or smells besides his own lovely aroma.

It was such a process that Anon grew tired of her compulsive scrubbing, reaching out and taking her by the barrel in his arms.

"That's enough of that." He huffed, mushing her backwards into his chest and securing the blushing mare.

"Anymore washing and you're gonna hit the bone." He mumbled into her ear, running his palm over her underside to feel the pure bliss of her wet coat. Derpy didn't relax immediately, still bent on healing Anon as soon as possible. But the more he massaged her down, the less concern she showed. Before too long, both were limp and still in the water. Anon was glad to have his peace, at least. Just a moment to himself so he could enjoy his mare's feel and weight bearing down on his chest.

Her wings twitched and shuddered against his pectorals while her legs kicked gently in the water. The dock of her tail brushed against his manhood in provocative ways he knew she didn't intend, but the man wasn't keen on exploiting this. He was sure Derpy didn't feel the need either.

"Anon?" Derpy questioned quietly, running a hoof along the beefy forearm that acted as a brace across her chest.

"Yes, Baby?"

"What do you think made Umbra so mean?" The human shrugged and thought over his answer for a moment or so.

"I couldn't tell you." Derpy smeared her snout against the hard and steady muscle in his bicep.

"Do you think she's just like that? Like all the ponies in town say?"

"Mh… probably not." He answered, groggily adjusting himself so Derpy's chin came barely an inch above the waterline.

"There's really not many 'bad' people… or ponies. They just think they're evil or mean or whatever and they stick with it." Derpy turned herself ever so slightly on his chest, just enough to meet his gaze.

"But she hurt you Anon. And she's always yelling at you. That's not what good ponies do!" He shook his head and embraced her tight, allowing his muscles to clench down on her mushy and chubby body.

"Alright look, here's the difference. You know timberwolves?" She shook her head, absentmindedly making small circles on his belly with an affectionate hoof.

"See, Timberwolves are like that because that's just the way they are. They don't choose that life, they just live it." He answered, Derpy seemingly getting only parts of it. At least judging by the cross eyes rolling about in her sockets.

"Ponies are different. A pony chooses to be mean, even if they really aren't. So, therefore, they can also choose to be nice. It's our job to point them in the right direction. You see what I'm getting at?" He waited for her response, only to watch her ears pin to her head and her face smothered down into his neck.

"Right… no. Don't worry about it. I've got a plan." He grumbled, peacefully hoisting his mare up and out of the tub. Perhaps by morning, the tension will have died down in the house. 


End file.
